Renee Yohe

I love how she writes. So full of emotion, so passionate.

"so. this is what if feels like. to tear apart. this. is what we risk when we throw our hearts out. so this is losing.

i see.

i wish there was truth when i stammered that i didn't care. i wish if i said it enough it would make everything feel better. but it doesn't, and it won't, and the overwhelming powerlessness of sitting through a feeling is keeping me there. in that moment. where it ended.

blink.

half believing if i blink hard enough the things before me will vanish when the shudders fly open. but they don't. they are just sitting there. in the corner. waiting for me.

and then the fury.

if only my fist flying into the door could distract my heart for a moment. if only i could punch it's wooden frame hard enough to shake this feeling off. if only..but, who am i kidding? my swollen knuckles weren't meant to be my crucifix.

i never learned how to do this.

so this is what it's like when you finally manage to allow people to matter. they were like sharks teeth to me. they were disposable.... why couldn't you be? i think i'd like it if, there was something wrong. with me. or you. i think it would make more sense. maybe. if you could yell. or be cruel. intolerable. or if i was a bitch.

i think maybe if you were poisonous i'd let go a little easier.

my sticky fingers make it hard. and somewhere along the lines i somehow fell. and now it's done. it's over. no more stupid fluttery things in my stomache. no more tangled hands. just my tangled heart.

and the question.

is it worth it.

is it.

worth.

this?

yes. (but i'd rather say no.)"

exactly!